2020… SO ? SO?

tl;dr.fr : translate.google.com” …ahah !

I’m not a guy much into celebrating landmarks or else, but eh, it is 4 a.m., I’m far from home, can’t sleep and I’m working tonight, plus, 2020 is a funny looking number and sounds even much more futuristic than 2000 (the reality is much more disappointing, haha). So, so… Happy new year to you !

While I’m in cliché mode, I’ll dwell in the past decade to see what had been done in my life. You got to endure ! Sorry !

So, ten years ago, I still lived near Paris at my mom’s place (but she was living in the Caribbean), I had already dropped everything that polluted my mind and rage quitted drawing, developing websites, “closed” an entire piece of my personality (the one who seek perfection), and did a huge work on myself to be in a cool state of mind (like ideally refusing any new relationship to be totally focused on ME, haha), not knowing what to do with my life anymore (life knew, haha), but feeling relieved of the tremendous pressure I put on myself. Well in 2010 it was the renaissance of the “il est 4h…” way of life ! And ready to live again, but differently. So, life apparently knew, and decided it was time for my father, I mean my dad, to fell sick and stay diminished for the rest of his life. With no defined objectives and because I was the only person in position to help and support him, I took care of him, with my mom kind help. She got back home not long after his accident, but they already went separate ways for 10 years and she had her own life to pursue. I didn’t know this situation was meant to be for four exhausting years, but I’m not someone living on regrets (it is not incompatible with embracing nostalgia, haha).

During this time I had “no real job”, except taking care of my father, and I spent my free time ON TEH INTERNETS ! Focusing more and more on video games, one of my original true passions (with drawing, comics, and… learning ?), I started not too seriously to write a bit for a webzine, and rediscovered the existence of speedrunning with the first Games Done Quick live stream (fell on it with a random link on Twitter, never closed the stream before the end, haha), and also lately built a stronger interest for fighting games. In early 2011, Norton, my closest friend (a fured dude from Labrador) left for, I hope, a better place, leaving a huge hole in my daily life. So, I had now all the elements to find myself on a pink website named eLive, where you could do sorts of podcasts with embedded YouTube videos, and a no delay chat with it. It was kind of a space of total freedom (no moderation, with incredible dramas and shit).

I lurked for months but began participating with the next AGDQ, which was “commentated” by a lot of people who were hanging around. Following that, I was often chatting in casts that people I liked made, and I rapidly met in person a bunch of guys that spent surely too much time on eLive, ending up creating friendships that last to this day (I’m even the man of honor of one of them, haha) and made many fun memories over the years. It helped me get rid of my self-repressed socialisation from the previous years, and being once again a fun guy, not only on the internets, haha. In mid 2012, the site died almost as quickly as it arrived (Silicon Valley is no joke) and we migrated naturally on Twitch. I started streaming not long after, for fun, but with style, the website designer in me found joy in doing 10 zillions layouts. Alas, spending too much time on my friend mv‘s stream, I never became famous as he is, haha (I really do not see any other reason. His musical skills and entertaining persona ? Nope… OK !).

I participated to the speedrun commentary of the Yoshi’s Island run at AGDQ 2013, my favorite game since childhood, and started running the game after that. Not bearing anymore the latency of emulation, I even bought a Super Famicom with the japanese version of the game (and started a crazy OG collection of japanese games, a huge but lovely mistake, haha I wanted to live free of possession… It takes a fucking amount of space, but it’s so much cooler than emulators *sigh*). In the last quarter of 2013, my dad passed away by surprise, when he finally made some progress, after I slowly cutted all the demons surrounding him that dragged him down. It felt like an injustice, I was sad and angry, even if at the same time I was free of any responsabilies for a first since 1997, when I adopted Norton.

Well, almost free, I spent the fucking year emptying his home, and moving or get rid of 25 years of memories, a torture for my soul, so much choices to make ! In beetween, my mother took me on vacations to isle of Saint-Martin (the caribbean place), where I could swim for hours in incredible landscapes, THE BEST LIFE. I continued to speedrun the Yoshi game also, but less streaming, and more fighting drunkards who peed on my father’s portal, and trying to kill me after. At the end of 2014, well I can finally enjoy some tranquility and think about the futu… Nah, gotta procrastinate and get outside, haha !

So 2015, I’m up to anything, and can do crayzie shit… Woooh, St. Martin here I go ! Oops, it appears we fell in love with a girl I talk to… on Twitch. At one point we never stop talking. It can’t be serious cuz Internet dating sucks. She’s not even living in the same country (Belgium. Yeah, it’s not the south hemisphere, you have to dramatize a bit to retain the reader’s attention, haha). It must not be serious because I’m supposed to live selfishly for once… But impossible to resist, a “this is the one” feeling, you can’t let her vanish from your life, man. This year has been full of ups and downs, I think the me from 2005 would not have handled this relationship well, but all I experienced since then, contributed to make that she is still the best part of my life as of now !

So, fast forward to 2016, I basically live with her at her tiny place in Paris (long story haha), we spend too much time at Disneyland and have adopted a lovely noisy dove, Poupi, saved from the set of a short movie where you can see us. I don’t even have my own PC with me, and live a good life far from the internets, a win-win situation finally. A trip to Sicily later, and she adopts Ponyo, a very shy rabbit. He needs a lady, so we bring little lumberjack Plue. After month of quarantine and shits, they fight to death when we put them together, oops. We are 5 in a 14m², everybody hates everybody, haha. The appartment became itself extremely hostile for a year, with moist air, wall mushrooms and cockroaches (bleh >_< !). Come december 31, and a huge water leak that floods the place with soiled water during four days. That’s enough, we need to move !

So 2017, I, miserable piece of failure, must find a “real job”, haha. A month of job interviews later , I end up being an employee who-does-everything in a local supermarket (what I though of doing when I stopped developing websites or aspiring to be the next Mitsuru Adachi). Man, the mentality, the people, this is worse than school, haha. But the family can finally move together to a new cosy place (in a shitty city close to Paris, with only one tiny peaceful neighborhood, ours ^^’) thanks to that exhausting job. This is a new store, we are 15, more than 10 newbie. Working 6/7 at random hours, but I’m cool with everyone. Months pass, lots are fired or vanish (lol), the team became (mostly) friendly, and the boss give up on making me break, you can’t beat me dude (smile). I end up being his MVP, and I like what I’m doing (I don’t like how we are treated). Sadly, near the end of the year we have to bury young Ponyo, who finally loved Plue too much and had the space he deserved to live with his darling.

So, 2018… The store is sold to a group of “mafiosi”, my boss take commands of the brand future new storefront, and recruits me, to quickly get promoted. But when I finally arrive (after a short break at the Stunfest, the great gathering of my internetz friendz, haha), he quits to follow his wife 500 km from Paris. New boss, new store opening with a staff of 30, ten new, I’m lost in the crowd, haha, and I’m bored. At my previous store we were very helpful and close to each other because understaffed. These people are all crazy in here, haha. Dramas each days, fights in front of the clients, everybody spit in the back of each other, WTF. In the summer we adopt a little doggo named Kubo (a black & white pomchi) ! But his education is a real adventure, haha. Months later at work, everybody wants my help and likes me, but the bosses don’t care. Until I’m replacing the best employee on a 3 months holiday, hardest section of the store (liquids) normaly they put 2 people to do his job, I’m alone and I do even more tasks, and hours. My darling isn’t happy !

So, 2019 was exhausting (again), even with my first real vacation. I spent the first part showing what I got and learning how to be the best underboss, changing tasks and store frequently. Until they fired the guy in charge of the evenings at my store, and offered me the ungrateful position. I said OK, and now I’m working until 10 p.m. each day. A big change but, my “evening team” is very kind, and family-like. Of course I end up doing twice more than my predecessor for less money, and everybody wants to work with me, haha. One of the highlights was that I finally visited my bro’s place, 7 years since we saw each other. I tried to get back into drawing but failed… I love what I got now, but I miss my friends, I hate to be in this permanent floaty state, like, when I’m not “in use” at my job, I’m just charging batteries, not capable anymore of doing anything apart lazy mindless shit (like vidya gaem !) and being crazy about Kubo. I need to stop being the best around, the perfectionist stealthily got out of his prison during these 10 years, haha.

Finally, what matters : I got the best girl and “children”, got creative again.

What sucks : more and more far from my friends, no time to express creativity.

Needed upgrades : better place to live, job that doesn’t devour me, release stuffs that weight on me ?

Fiou !

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